I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
