Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
