Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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