Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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