forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
