you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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