i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
