and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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