Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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