then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You took a bar mat shot.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize