Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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