do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
