Your dad touched me again.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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