after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
