we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
