I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
