We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
