Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
