I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
