Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Randomize
