god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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