I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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