It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
