I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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