No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
