Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
