I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
