Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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