Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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