I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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