just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
not ubering you a puppy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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