i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
