just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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