I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
