Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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