This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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