It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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