last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
