peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
