I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize