Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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