I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
