My friends, they love my intelligence
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And then he peed in my hair
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