oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
