she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
