amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
