I wish life had little blips of pornography
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
