i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize