all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
