He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
