I cockslap morals
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
