Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
