True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
