I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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