he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
