I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
