I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
