oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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