Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
