had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
