I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
