trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have started to decorate penises.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
