I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
