BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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