haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
