Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
