dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
