his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
