did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
