i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
