so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize