they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
