We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
