OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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