Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
