Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
